Wagons were meant for falling off of

Several things swirling thru my mind this morning. Should I start with the happy or or the hopeless? Ha. Yes, yes, yes, I have completed the requirements for my Masters degree in nursing. The only thing I lack is the nursing dedication next Tuesday and then graduation on Wednesday. So happy, so proud, so honored, so blessed. 

That said, now let's talk about the ongoing life-long struggle with food and weight and self esteem. 

When I finished my first half-marathon in October, I felt a little lost afterwards. With no immediate goal to work towards, my exercise began to fall apart. Or at least the purpose for it did. Then one fateful day (the day before Thanksgiving), I bent over to pick a pair of jeans up off the floor (housework is risky!), and felt a pop in my back. Immediately my back seized up and I could hardly move. Oh no.....  I'm not sure what made me cry-- the pain? No, I think the tears came because I knew I had just lost the ability to exercise for a while. Ugh. Took some Advil, grabbed an ice pack and went to bed.

And that was 2.5 weeks ago. I haven't run for nearly 3 weeks! Haven't biked! I did swim a few times but even that was 10 days ago. Oh em gee. My coach would send me my workout schedule regardless, accommodating the back pain, telling me to walk in the pool or use the elliptical instead of running, but do SOMETHING. With my comprehensive exam at school last week, I told my coach that I was taking time off. It sounded responsible. 

It. Sounded. Lazy.

And with the lack of exercise, and the sore back (which, while it still aches at times, is far more discouraging than it is painful), and the finishing of grad school, the food fell apart. 

Well, kinda.  

See, I would start each morning like this:

This is a work breakfast. But you get the point. Lunch was always pretty good too. 

And then every day around 3-4pm my food would fall apart. This is how it fell apart yesterday, thanks to the Nephrology docs (kidney specialists) who obviously want me to become diabetic and develop renal failure to keep them in business. :-)

Ah yes. So the best weight I've seen is 233.3 and the weight today is 239.5

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly I feel like this:

So I suppose this blog post is completely pointless, except to whine and celebrate. Pleasantly and pathetically bipolar. Yeah! I've finished my Masters degree! A dream come true!!! Boo! I'm gaining weight and my back hurts! Please, someone pass me a Prozac and throw my butt on a treadmill. 

I won't give up. You know why? Because I love love love love how I feel when I exercise. I've told my coach that I'm ready to kick it back in gear starting on Monday. And, I might just jump on the spin bike today, because why wait until Monday? 

And I will continue to start each day eating right. If some days I fall into sugar, so be it. Because its a journey, a life. It's not a short term diet. No way. There is no finish line. You reach one goal, great. Set another one. Keep going. I started this endeavor to lose weight on January 1 this year, because I didn't want to be an obese nurse practitioner. I still don't want to be. And I still am. But I'm no longer morbidly obese, and it's possible, that I might be no longer even obese by summer if I would just keep making heathy choices. And keep swimming, biking and running. Ah yes, in the process this year I fell in love with triathlon. I'm not fast, but gosh darn if i don't just love it.

Carry on, peeps. Thanks for listening.