Wagons were meant for falling off of

Several things swirling thru my mind this morning. Should I start with the happy or or the hopeless? Ha. Yes, yes, yes, I have completed the requirements for my Masters degree in nursing. The only thing I lack is the nursing dedication next Tuesday and then graduation on Wednesday. So happy, so proud, so honored, so blessed. 

That said, now let's talk about the ongoing life-long struggle with food and weight and self esteem. 

When I finished my first half-marathon in October, I felt a little lost afterwards. With no immediate goal to work towards, my exercise began to fall apart. Or at least the purpose for it did. Then one fateful day (the day before Thanksgiving), I bent over to pick a pair of jeans up off the floor (housework is risky!), and felt a pop in my back. Immediately my back seized up and I could hardly move. Oh no.....  I'm not sure what made me cry-- the pain? No, I think the tears came because I knew I had just lost the ability to exercise for a while. Ugh. Took some Advil, grabbed an ice pack and went to bed.

And that was 2.5 weeks ago. I haven't run for nearly 3 weeks! Haven't biked! I did swim a few times but even that was 10 days ago. Oh em gee. My coach would send me my workout schedule regardless, accommodating the back pain, telling me to walk in the pool or use the elliptical instead of running, but do SOMETHING. With my comprehensive exam at school last week, I told my coach that I was taking time off. It sounded responsible. 

It. Sounded. Lazy.

And with the lack of exercise, and the sore back (which, while it still aches at times, is far more discouraging than it is painful), and the finishing of grad school, the food fell apart. 

Well, kinda.  

See, I would start each morning like this:

This is a work breakfast. But you get the point. Lunch was always pretty good too. 

And then every day around 3-4pm my food would fall apart. This is how it fell apart yesterday, thanks to the Nephrology docs (kidney specialists) who obviously want me to become diabetic and develop renal failure to keep them in business. :-)

Ah yes. So the best weight I've seen is 233.3 and the weight today is 239.5

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly I feel like this:

So I suppose this blog post is completely pointless, except to whine and celebrate. Pleasantly and pathetically bipolar. Yeah! I've finished my Masters degree! A dream come true!!! Boo! I'm gaining weight and my back hurts! Please, someone pass me a Prozac and throw my butt on a treadmill. 

I won't give up. You know why? Because I love love love love how I feel when I exercise. I've told my coach that I'm ready to kick it back in gear starting on Monday. And, I might just jump on the spin bike today, because why wait until Monday? 

And I will continue to start each day eating right. If some days I fall into sugar, so be it. Because its a journey, a life. It's not a short term diet. No way. There is no finish line. You reach one goal, great. Set another one. Keep going. I started this endeavor to lose weight on January 1 this year, because I didn't want to be an obese nurse practitioner. I still don't want to be. And I still am. But I'm no longer morbidly obese, and it's possible, that I might be no longer even obese by summer if I would just keep making heathy choices. And keep swimming, biking and running. Ah yes, in the process this year I fell in love with triathlon. I'm not fast, but gosh darn if i don't just love it.

Carry on, peeps. Thanks for listening.

A Thankful Thanksgiving

Since it is a national holiday I don't think we should discuss the scale. But, my friends, it is up. I'm 5-6 lbs heavier than my best weight so far. Bummer. Oh here I am discussing it. Let's move on.

2013 has been one of the best years of my life. I have much to be thankful for. Here are the top 10, and not in order of importance, just in order of how they pop into my mind as I write. :-)

1. After a 4.5 year journey, first getting my BS in nursing, then my CCRN (critical care certification), now I am 3 weeks away from having my Masters in nursing! The emphasis in acute care nurse practitioner makes me eligible to sit for boards hopefully in February, and then look for a job as a nurse practitioner. Hopefully with a hospitalist team. Im so thankful to come to the end of the schooling journey, although I have thoroughly enjoyed it.

 

2. For triathlon! To start the year at over 270 lbs and end the year with 3 triathlons, one half-marathon and a 40 lb weight loss makes for a pretty gosh darn fantabulous year!!

3. For my sweet Tony, who has put up with our messy house for 19 years and who loves me whether I'm siting on the couch reading my iPhone or whether I'm gone to the pool. He is very supportive of my triathlon endeavors. As seen recently while I was in the spin bike:

4. My firstborn son Jimmy. Jimmy is in his senior year and he works part time at Olive Garden, and I just adore him. He's a good kid (as far as I'm aware, lol) and I am eager to see these next years as he fully matures and chooses a career. 

5. Our youngest son, Jason. Our 13 year old son has so much raw talent. He sings, he plays piano and guitar and he easily gets straight As. That is, when we can peel him away from Minecraft on the computer. 

6. Lisa Anderson, my trainer and coach. Look, I know it sounds ridiculous that I, at this obese weight, have a coach. But I do. So read on. I met Lisa at a Chattanooga Triathlon Club meeting. Well, didn't really meet her per se, but she was pointed out to me as a multiple-time ironman, and also a personal trainer. So I looked her up on Facebook and asked her if she would train me. She said yes, and so twice a week since January I've gone to her house to do all sorts of strength training. In May I asked her if she would write my workouts for swimming, biking and running. So now she's my coach too! Some weeks I'm a disobedient student/trainee, what am I? But I've learned it feels a lot better both physically and mentally to just shut up and do the workouts. I'm so thankful for Lisa and all I've learned from her and for the accountability she provides.

This is Lisa with her husband Tim (on the left) and their friend, at Beach to Battleship 140.6 last month.

7. SwimBikeMom. Last February, I had heard the terms "Clydesdale" and "athena" in the triathlon world. I googled the words and one of the hits took me to Swimbikemom's blog. I found her blog down to earth, authentic and extremely funny. So I bookmarked it and occasionally went to her site to read. At the end of February I caught some virus and was sick in bed for nearly a week. During that time, I went back to Swimbikemom's very first blog post and read every single entry until I was current. What a huge dose of inspiration. I became a loyal groupie to her, bought tech shirts and a cycling outfit that all said "swimbikemom" on them. I was thrilled to actually meet her at the women's triathlon last August in Acworth, GA. Thankyou, SBM, for inspiring me daily. Check out her blog at www.swimbikemom.com

8. Drs. Liedke, Champion, and Rigsby. Dr Liedke is the acute care professor at Southern. He is a genius and even though I think he is entirely too smart in all things cellular, I have benefitted greatly from his knowledge and can only hope to one day be as intelligent as he is. Dr. Champion took me under her wing for 200 hours this year and taught me all about Emergency medicine. I loved every moment with her and in the ER. I didn't meet Dr. Rigsby until the end of my clinical hours, which is really a shame because i certainly would have spent many more hours with him. He loves hospital medicine and was so patient and  such a great teacher. I am so thankful for such great preceptors this year.

9. April Burklow! I met April in the spring, and she has been part friend and part mentor this year. We've rode bikes together, ran together and swam together. And be aware that I am slower  than her in all three, so it was really out of the kindness of her heart that she accompanied and encouraged me all season. I appreciate you April!! Thankyou!

10. My Facebook family. The encouragement and support I've had all year from everyone in Facebook land has literally kept me going. I love keeping up with everyone on fb and yes, I'm completely addicted to it. But it's because I love you all :-)

11. Of course I am thankful to my parents who are healthy and well in Michigan. I don't see them enough. But we keep the phone company in business, since they are not online.

12. God, and His son Jesus. I'm no longer sure where I stand in relationship to my beloved Seventh-day Adventist Church. While it shaped my teen years and early adulthood, I am, perhaps, left with more questions than answers. Fortunately Jesus never endorsed a church. He endorsed following Him and being a blessing to others. I'm thankful God knows my questions and understands. God, Thankyou so much for this year of health, weight loss, triathlon, education, and my family and friends. I may be in debt up to my ears (Thankyou Sallie Mae), but I am truly the richest woman. 

4 bridges half-marathon report

This is a few weeks late because I simply forgot to write it. Writing it 3 weeks late will surely take away some of the emotions, but I do want to always remember my first half-marathon. So here is my race report.

     For 2 days prior to October 20, I began to wonder what on earth I had been thinking (or drinking!) to sign up for a 13.1 mile race. My coach Lisa reassured me I would finish, and I knew i had already trained at 11-12 miles, so logic said I was ready. And, I was a bit excited too.

Tony dropped me off at Coolidge Park at 0630, and I promptly joined one of the long lines for the port-a-potty. It was very cold. I think in the upper 30's. And of course I was wearing a skort, since I don't yet have leggings to run in. 

  

I wasn't sure where to join the line at. I simply stood off to the side about 3/4 of the way back in line. When the race started, it took what felt like forever to actually start moving forward. It was fascinating. I've never been in that big of a crowd before. What an experience. The race began in the dark, and running across the Market St. Bridge was poetic.I almost stopped to take a photo, but I didn't. Mist rising up off the river, the lights on the bridge; it was so beautiful it was magical. After crossing to the south side of the river, we circled around the Aquarium and started an out and back journey on Riverfront Dr. The turnaround was at mile 3, and honestly those 3-4 miles went by very fast, because I was busy watching all of the fast runners running back towards town. Shortly after I made the turn-around, I caught up with a lady about my size. I asked her if this was her first half marathon. She said it was her 49th. What??????? 49??? It was actually supposed to be her 50th, but the race she was supposed to do a couple weeks prior had been canceled due to the government shutdown and the race ran thru a federal park. She is a university professor in Texas and she loves to run half-marathons. Talk about inspiring!

We parted company at the bathrooms, and shortly afterwards I came upon an elderly man. He was doing a light jog/walk. Seriously. Even SLOWER than me. I asked if this was his first half, and he said "Lord willing I'm doing the full, but I'll see how I feel at the turn-off". He went on to tell me that he had raced in hundreds of half and full marathons. REALLY??? These people are crazy! 

By mile 5 I was by myself and was happy to see my friend Kristin at the aid station. She kindly took this photo:

Kristin took me to my first two Chattanooga Triathlon Club meetings last fall. She kind of spear-headed this insanity 😜. After mile 5 it was up and across the Olgiati bridge. Beautiful beautiful beautiful.

Mile 6 found us winding thru the north shore again and thru Coolidge Park, and up onto Veterans Bridge. It was on Veterans bridge that I reached my first goal. I knew I could run 7 miles, so when I saw this sign, I threw a little party!

From there I did a lot of walking. I wanted to finish the race feeling wonderful, and the previous week when I had run 12 miles I experienced quite a bit of pain in my hamstrings and calves. At the risk of sounding like a whiny butt, it was very painful!! I had never experienced pain in my muscles before, and I was a bit paranoid of it happening again, thus my reason behind walking much of the last miles. Also, I might add that miles 8-10 were the most boring miles of the entire race. Just a flat stretch out Amnicola Hwy. I spent these miles alternating walking and running, and texting. Yes. Texting. 😂

Mile 10 was the turn-off, where the half-marathon turned onto the Riverwalk to head back to the finish, and the marathoners kept going. I was completely happy and pain-free and enjoying walking/running with another lady I met who recognized my Swimbikemom visor and shirt. She reads her blog too. Small world. Somewhere around mile 11 my friend April met up with me. She wasn't in the race, she was just out running on the riverwalk and was kind enough to run me in the last two miles. Run. Ha. It was mostly walking at that point. All walking? Probably.

Before I knew it, I was back to the Walnut Street Bridge. I knew I could run the remaining bit, so I quickly texted

My coach and told her I was at the bridge. And she texted back that I needed to put the phone away and run! So I did. Across the bridge, onto The north shore, then into Coolidge Park for the finish. The first familiar faces I saw were DeAnn's boys. They were looking at me as if they were trying to decide if they knew me. I stopped and said "I'm Jimmy's mom!" and Jack said "I knew it!" and went running ahead to his mom, who was awesome to get my finishing pics. Thankyou so much DeAnn!

And so, I finished. 3:24 was chip time. And you know what? That is slower than slow! I trained a little faster than that. But so what. I finished!! A half-marathon!!! Go me!!! It was a wonderful experience and I'm already signed up for my next one. Crossing the finish line, my eyes filled with tears and I experienced the same emotions I felt at the triathlons. I have been obese and sedentary for so long, and now I'm finishing a half-marathon. Wow. I'm beyond happy. I'm thankful, grateful, exuberant. 

And this concludes my race report for

my first half-marathon. It definitely won't be my last!

Running and studying...

236.2

So I'm not exactly sure which excited me more-- weighing 236.2 or receiving these books from Amazon. How can I have the great fortune and blessing of two incredible events in my life at the same time? 40 lbs off my body, and down to the last 3 months of a 4 year journey to be a Nurse Practitioner. Honestly I'm equally excited about both. However.....

While I tend to lack self confidence in my knowledge of things related to nursing and medicine, I have always known I am intelligent and a good student. So it's not super shocking that I've done well in school. What is super shocking is that for over 8 months I have stuck with diet and exercise and have slowly lost and maintained a loss of 40 lbs. Oh, the times I have tried and tried and failed and failed to lose weight. I really don't think I could ever lose this weight. It's a real miracle that I have lost these 40 lbs, and I am so thankful and happy. I know the weight could come off faster if I ate perfectly. And since I do NOT, the weight loss is slow. But that's ok with me. It's becoming a lifestyle and I love love love all the exercise. I have every reason to believe that the weight will continue to drop as I continue to pursue triathlons each year. 

And that brings me to my next topic. I don't think I'm doing any more triathlons this year. I'm sad!! I actually miss swimming, and really miss biking.  But I'm down to the wire with school-- 160 clinical hours left, a research project and a few smaller assignments. I've got to stay focused so that I finish strong. However, of course I still need to exercise, so I'm training for a half-marathon on October 20. Perhaps I'm insane. I've run 7 miles a few times, so I know I can do that. But 13.1?? Time will tell. I have 8 miles coming up later today so I suppose with time I'll get to 13.1.  My hope is to run 7-8 miles of it and them walk/run the rest. I'm really looking forward to it. And the next moment I think I'm crazy!

That's me running recently. Soaked in sweat. I love it. I may be slow but I enjoy it so much.

Well, I will close this blog entry with a photo I took in May, 2012. It was a wake up call for me, at about 278 lbs.

I didn't realize I was that huge. And while I still have a long ways to go to get down to 165, I am enjoying the journey. This next photo was 2 weeks ago when I fit into size 16 jeans. (I was in size 24 above)

So it's all good. Life. School. Running.  My guys-- they are supportive too. This weekend my oldest son Jimmy is going to do a Tough Mudder in St. Louis. I'll post photos of that next week.

Until next time, I encourage you to tri to be healthy. It's so much fun and feels so good!

The victory is in showing up

Dear Slow Swimmer person,

I had the privilege of watching just over half of your swim at the Fall Creek Falls triathlon yesterday. I have to admit, you were soooo far behind-- my pity turned to irritation because I was afraid you might drown-- why did you sign up for this 9/10's of a mile swim if you knew you sucked at swimming? As the last few swimmers were exiting the lake, my friends and I headed back up

the hill to transition and we left you out there with the kayaks to guide you in. I was certain you would drop out, or that they would make you quit. 

Imagine my surprise when many many minutes later, when all of the athletes were out on the bike or run, we saw you trudging up the hill from the lake! You finished the swim!! So it took you an hour and a half. Who cares!! You kept going. You didn't quit. You were relentless! You beast!

    I'm not sure-- either you simply are not a fast swimmer, or perhaps you had a panic attack as many do on a first open water swim. Or maybe something else went wrong. Probably it doesn't matter. What matters is that all my pity and irritation dissipated when I saw you walking up the hill to get on your bike. Did you hear us all cheering for you? Did you feel as proud of yourself as we all felt for you? I watched you take off on the bike long after nearly all the bikes had returned. And finally I saw you start out on the 6.2 miles run long after many had finished the race. You, my anonymous friend, are the winner today. 

    I want to celebrate your tenacity. I don't know your story. Perhaps this was your first triathlon. Who knows. I simply applaud you for completing the race. Even the Bible says that the race is not to the swift only. The swift ones might take home the medals, but you took home pride and self-achievement and confidence and increased levels of persistence and tenacity. Truly, you are my hero.

    You see, I chose not to do that particular triathlon because I knew I would be super slow. I didn't want to be the last one in the water. Nor the last one in the bike and run. What a great opportunity I passed up because I forgot that victories aren't measured in timing chips. Oh sometimes they are, but it would have been my first Olympic distance and so a simple finish would have made me a champion. Perhaps it was your first olympic distance. Perhaps it doesn't matter. 

Congrats to you for not giving up. You have inspired me, and really, that's what this sport is all about, isn't it?

Run for God Triathlon-race report

And my second triathlon was perhaps the most fun I've had since--- oh-- since the last one. Or since I was watchin brain surgeries the other day. Ah, but I digress. 

Today I "raced" in the Run for God sprint triathlon in Dalton, GA. I almost didn't do the race. I am already registered for another triathlon next weekend, so I was actually supposed to work today. But when I realized several of my new triathlon pals were signed up, I found someone to work for me, and I slapped down the money to go swim, bike and run for 93 minutes. And 42 seconds. Let's not forget that:-)

And so, in hopes of inspiring someone, anyone, to take up this fantabulous sport, and so that I can look back myself one day, here is my race report.

THE SWIM

Can you find me? The swim was 300 yards. I love short swims. While I am finally seeing some improvement in my swimming endurance, overall I still don't love this part. Today we had to swim 6 lengths of this 50 meter pool. With 139 adults racing, it was surprisingly not too congested. They started us about every 3 seconds. 

I tend to get caught up in the people and the excitement and the desire to go fast. At my first tri, I ended up stopping and standing up quite a bit due to being completely of of breath. Today I did better. I kept talking to myself, telling myself to do the various strokes my coach has me do during training. So I would focus on magic marker drills, reaching and rolling, fat lady strokes, swimming downward, etc. Talking to myself and doing the various strokes made the time go by fast. Indeed it was FASTER. A full minute faster than my swim in the first tri. So I was happy happy happy!

THE BIKE

I think the bike portion is my favorite. Today we had a 12 mile ride that was actually 3 four mile loops. There was only one long hill and the rest was flat and fast, except there were so many turns it was hard to get going very fast for very long. In spite of that, my average pace was 15 mph. I'm super pleased with that. Why can't I ever average that on my training rides? Perhaps the momentum and excitement of the day adds some speed. 

A positive: the city of Dalton shut down the roads for us, so the roads were safe and not dangerous. Plenty of police on the route and angelic volunteers who cheered every time we passed them.

A negative: I have learned in triathlon that you always ride to the right, and if someone passes you, they yell "on your left". Towards the end of the bike I yelled "on your left" as I passed another cyclist. Either I didn't really yell it, or she didn't hear me, or she was in the mood to live life dangerously. About the time my front tire was next to her back tire, she moved over towards me. I am fairly certain it scared her more than it scared me (and trust me, it scared the sh$& out of me) because she yelled an expletive and then said "I'm so sorry!" I'm pretty sure I didn't reply, and just got the heck away from her. I'm glad I didn't mouth off to her because she passed me as soon as we started the run and I never saw her again. I am very thankful we didn't wreck, and I even more so appreciate that accidents can and do happen. Everyone be careful. 

THE RUN

The run was just 2 miles today. I knew I could run 2 miles without walking. Looking back at my 15 minute miles, perhaps I should have pushed myself faster. I'm always wanting to just putter along so I can keep going. And I was tired, it wasn't like I was the energizer bunny at that point. The run consisted of 2 one mile loops. So I was able to see friends and encourage people and people encouraged me. I just love this! All sorts of "lookin good!" "we got this!" "almost done!" "we love this!" and these comments weren't just from the volunteers, but the slow, tired racers were saying it to each other as we passed one another. The camaraderie and the support in this triathlon world is amazing.

Soon I was running up the finishers' chute and hearing the announcer say "#51, Debbie Fine from Cohutta, Georgia" somehow kicked me into a faster run as I crossed the line.  Fist pump! Yeah buddy!! My husband and fellow tri club members were there and it's just the most emotional moment ever. Just typing these words makes me eager to do the next triathlon.

     And guess what?! No last place for me today! I came in 14th out of 23 females in my age group, and came in 113 overall out of 138 finishers. Yes it's true my weight isn't falling off very fast, and it's also true that I looked like a stuffed marshmallow in that spandex tri suit. But you know what? Who cares. I love it, and I hope to do many more triathlons. It's so much fun, such a great group of people, and it makes you feel sooo good. 

What's next? Next weekend I'll be doing the women's triathlon in Acworth. I'm hoping to meet one of my heroes-- Swimbikemom (www.swimbikemom.com ) at that race. After that, I'm not signed up for anything. If Tony and my coach will not think im crazy, I would like to go back to Oak Ridge TN for a tri on August 11. I loved that pool and bike route. It's a slightly longer course, but I can do it. As for the moment tho, I'm on the couch with a blanket. Happy. Thankful. 

My pals: April ( who has lost 70 lbs), Shelley ( who has lost 40? I think) and me, who has lost 30 and has a long ways to go :-)

The tri suit, and Nutella

Weight: 241.8

My very first official tri suit arrived today! Here's the proof:

Oh em gee!!!! Yet another reminder that I'm nowhere near goal weight. But, I'm down 30 lbs from a year ago, and I will be grateful for that. So yes, I guess I'll wear this to my next triathlon. Ya know, it's kinda fun!

    The scale stalls because I've had this love affair with chocolate peanut butter here lately. 

Geez, why can't I have a love affair with cucumbers? Or carrots? Honestly! Ok so I am going to try harder. I really am starting to desire a really clean diet. Fruits and veggies. I'd love to avoid all processed foods. But with working full time and clinical hours for school, and swimming, biking and running several hours a week, processed foods are just way too convenient.

    Tomorrow is my only day off this week and I was planning to swim, bike and run. Not an official triathlon, but one of my own making. But now there is a 100% chance of rain tomorrow-- so, I'll run in the rain if there isn't any lightning; otherwise I'll be tortured on the spin bike for 2 hours. Why two hours? Because I don't want to lose momentum. Because, when the two hours are over I'll feel glorious both mentally and physically. Because for some yet unknown reason, I love it. I love the exercise and I love triathlon, and I love seeing my body morph into something smaller (kinda like watchin grass grow). I'm blessed.

Goodnight.