276.2
Well, I'm back. Never really left, but I did move from Kentucky to north Georgia. Can we chalk the weight gain up to the stress of moving? Sounds perfect to me.
It is with a good measure of humility that I post this embarrassing and even shaming weight gain. I mean honestly. I'm 2.2 lbs heavier than when I started out the first of March! I guess it goes to show you that truly, this isn't just a battle I've waged for 3 months, but a battle I've waged all my life. One I keep losing at.
Now that we are all settled here, I'm not sure that I like any of it. I miss my house in Kentucky. Much more than I thought I would. I miss our little life there. I was secure in my job, my boys had a nice routine, and I enjoyed my walks on the country gravel roads. I have traded horse and buggies in rural Kentucky for the crazy rush-hour traffic of downtown Chattanooga at 8am... ah yes, and at 4:30pm too. :-)
And I'm not 100% certain that I like my job. Still trying to get settled into it, and while I'm very thankful for the job, its surprising, if not bothersome to realize that I miss my patients. Even the crazy psycho ones. I mean-- they always provided fodder for my facebook posts... Now I never post about work, lol. So I don't know. We shall see what happens. Perhaps one day I'll be a glutton for punishment, and trade in my higher paying comfy desk job for the high paced, stressful, busy halls of a hospital once again.
My husband is very happy with all of us being back in the Chattanooga area. He is thrilled. So for his sake, we open a new chapter here. The boys are doing well, and so really, its all ok.
Now, back to the weight. Last Saturday, June 12, at the encouragement of my dear friend Jen, I started eating a mostly raw diet! Tons of fruits and fresh veggies, and green smoothies, and only 1 cup a day of grain, and no sugar or flour. With a desire to be vegan, but greatly lacking that kind of commitment, I am eating either beans, or lean protein such as tuna, or fat free cottage cheese. And so, we begin again, dear blog. Anyone out there with me?
Twice in the last 4 days, my guys had ice cream and I had pineapple/banana smoothies. I was so pleased with that.
Then today, I think the hormones came on board. Well, I think they've been here a few days, but anyways, I went and bought some Gelato. Not because I've ever had any, but because my friend Bunnie loves it, so I thought I'd try it. And so I consumed more fat grams in 10 minutes of chocolate gelato than I have in the last 4 days. But, somehow it helped me feel better for the moment, and once again gives me fuel for thought.
1. that it is downright impossible for me to not eat for comfort when I'm feeling sad.
2. that I need to stop taking life so seriously and enjoy it for what it is, today, in this moment.
3. That when I can be honest, and drain my brain on this silly blog, that I actually feel better. That the simple act of writing this out, for everyone or anyone or no-one to read, somehow instills hope in me. Hope to keep going. To try another day.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
one day at a time, I suppose
267.0
On a positive note, I am thankful for 7 lbs off since I started this blog, (even tho I wish it was alot more). I need to be thankful the good and the not so good. I am, however, becoming more convicted to get rid of the junk and highly processed foods in our house. Like this morning. I steamed brown rice, and had a tossed salad all ready to eat.... And what did I do?? I ATE A BOWL OF CINAMON TOAST CRUNCH!!!!! I'm such an addict!! Good grief. If its not good for me, then its obviously not good for my boys either... Just wait til I serve them brown rice and salad at their next meal. They'll die. No, actually, they'll be much healthier!
I drank alot of water yesterday. And ate mostly raw fruits and veggies... I know that is the secret, and atleast I was down a pound today. Still want to really lose 10-15 lbs to feel like I'm well on my way. But I need to remember-- one day at a time. Someone once said the joy is in the journey, not the destination... does that apply to weight loss? lol
I wanted to post today because I'll be in Tennessee for the next 4 days... Well, make that Georgia. ha. Yes, today at 4pm my husband is closing on our new house in Cohutta, GA. Its really just across the state line. Barely into Georgia at all, less than 1/2 mile in. But far enough in to say we live in Georgia. I'm gonna be a real southern belle....
Anyways, I will weigh again on Tuesday. My hope for these next few days is to walk each day, and drink 3-4 quarts of water and to eat lots of fresh fruits and vegies. I'm really trying the vegan thing. Its my true goal, but I'm so weak! I'm hopelessly in love with sugar, junk food, and meat and cheese. And ice cream. Lets not forget that!
So, its onward and upward... Er, uh, I mean "downward"... yes, that's it.
On a positive note, I am thankful for 7 lbs off since I started this blog, (even tho I wish it was alot more). I need to be thankful the good and the not so good. I am, however, becoming more convicted to get rid of the junk and highly processed foods in our house. Like this morning. I steamed brown rice, and had a tossed salad all ready to eat.... And what did I do?? I ATE A BOWL OF CINAMON TOAST CRUNCH!!!!! I'm such an addict!! Good grief. If its not good for me, then its obviously not good for my boys either... Just wait til I serve them brown rice and salad at their next meal. They'll die. No, actually, they'll be much healthier!
I drank alot of water yesterday. And ate mostly raw fruits and veggies... I know that is the secret, and atleast I was down a pound today. Still want to really lose 10-15 lbs to feel like I'm well on my way. But I need to remember-- one day at a time. Someone once said the joy is in the journey, not the destination... does that apply to weight loss? lol
I wanted to post today because I'll be in Tennessee for the next 4 days... Well, make that Georgia. ha. Yes, today at 4pm my husband is closing on our new house in Cohutta, GA. Its really just across the state line. Barely into Georgia at all, less than 1/2 mile in. But far enough in to say we live in Georgia. I'm gonna be a real southern belle....
Anyways, I will weigh again on Tuesday. My hope for these next few days is to walk each day, and drink 3-4 quarts of water and to eat lots of fresh fruits and vegies. I'm really trying the vegan thing. Its my true goal, but I'm so weak! I'm hopelessly in love with sugar, junk food, and meat and cheese. And ice cream. Lets not forget that!
So, its onward and upward... Er, uh, I mean "downward"... yes, that's it.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Failure
April 8: 265.3
April 12: 267
April 20: 268.1
Well, what the heck??? I can honestly say that I count my points, and that I always stay right around my daily allotted points. I also use my weekly points...
I'm really angry. All my friends on Weight Watchers lose 4-5 lbs each week the first few weeks, and I have gone UP!!! What's with that??? I'm drinking water now.... I'm still not walking, so I know I need to add that.
Please don't say, "Oh, but you've still kept 6 lbs off".... who cares... What is 6 lbs in the scheme of 100 pounds? I'm rather discouraged. Kinda. I mean--- surprisingly I don't feel like binging on ice cream.... But I did eat a big bowl of oatmeal and didn't "measure" it or figure the points...
I don't know. It might be hormonal too, but really. Following a healthier eating plan would be a whole lot easier if the scale was going down each day. Makes me wonder if I just cannot lose weight. And also makes me angry. Really angry and disappointed in myself. Getting my Bachelors degree and my CCRN certification was much, much easier than shedding this fat.
April 12: 267
April 20: 268.1
Well, what the heck??? I can honestly say that I count my points, and that I always stay right around my daily allotted points. I also use my weekly points...
I'm really angry. All my friends on Weight Watchers lose 4-5 lbs each week the first few weeks, and I have gone UP!!! What's with that??? I'm drinking water now.... I'm still not walking, so I know I need to add that.
Please don't say, "Oh, but you've still kept 6 lbs off".... who cares... What is 6 lbs in the scheme of 100 pounds? I'm rather discouraged. Kinda. I mean--- surprisingly I don't feel like binging on ice cream.... But I did eat a big bowl of oatmeal and didn't "measure" it or figure the points...
I don't know. It might be hormonal too, but really. Following a healthier eating plan would be a whole lot easier if the scale was going down each day. Makes me wonder if I just cannot lose weight. And also makes me angry. Really angry and disappointed in myself. Getting my Bachelors degree and my CCRN certification was much, much easier than shedding this fat.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Success!!
265.3 lbs
Wow! This Weight Watchers really truly works!! I've been counting my points for 11 days and I've lost 5.7 lbs!!!! yeah! So, I suppose I ought to stick with it and keep counting these points. (8.7 lbs total since March 7 when I started blogging)
I don't really feel very philosophical or have anything noteworthy to write about.
Spent today in the ER this afternoon with my Jason, but he is fine now and happily off playing again. He fell and hit his head in the gym and it knocked out the right field of vision for over an hour. So I was a bit concerned about that.
Anyways, all's well that ends well. He has a concussion but his vision is now fine. And I'm riding a pretty decent high from the scales this morning. I am hoping that I'll see 255 by the time I start my new job on May 3. So that is my new goal. Everyone will see me and think I'm obese, and yet I'll be feeling "skinny" and energetic and confident, knowing I will have lost 19 lbs!!
For some perspective, I have weighed over 260 since the year Jason was born. I did dip down to 242 in 2002 from following a vegan diet and exercising, but promptly put it all back on after a couple months. I think its safe to say that I have been between 262 and 283 for the last 7 years. So breaking the 260 mark will be a real milestone for me.
I continue to struggle most at 8pm at night after a long day's work. Hopefully my new job will alleviate that issue. I'll be able to come home and we can eat a healthy low-fat dinner together as a family. I'm looking forward to that aspect of my new job. Having normal hours.
Well, its 4:45pm and I have 10 points left for the day. All is well and its all gonna be good. Also want to give a shout-out to my friends Lauri and Jen who have lost way more than me on Weight Watchers as well! Go us!!!
Wow! This Weight Watchers really truly works!! I've been counting my points for 11 days and I've lost 5.7 lbs!!!! yeah! So, I suppose I ought to stick with it and keep counting these points. (8.7 lbs total since March 7 when I started blogging)
I don't really feel very philosophical or have anything noteworthy to write about.
Spent today in the ER this afternoon with my Jason, but he is fine now and happily off playing again. He fell and hit his head in the gym and it knocked out the right field of vision for over an hour. So I was a bit concerned about that.
Anyways, all's well that ends well. He has a concussion but his vision is now fine. And I'm riding a pretty decent high from the scales this morning. I am hoping that I'll see 255 by the time I start my new job on May 3. So that is my new goal. Everyone will see me and think I'm obese, and yet I'll be feeling "skinny" and energetic and confident, knowing I will have lost 19 lbs!!
For some perspective, I have weighed over 260 since the year Jason was born. I did dip down to 242 in 2002 from following a vegan diet and exercising, but promptly put it all back on after a couple months. I think its safe to say that I have been between 262 and 283 for the last 7 years. So breaking the 260 mark will be a real milestone for me.
I continue to struggle most at 8pm at night after a long day's work. Hopefully my new job will alleviate that issue. I'll be able to come home and we can eat a healthy low-fat dinner together as a family. I'm looking forward to that aspect of my new job. Having normal hours.
Well, its 4:45pm and I have 10 points left for the day. All is well and its all gonna be good. Also want to give a shout-out to my friends Lauri and Jen who have lost way more than me on Weight Watchers as well! Go us!!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Coffee and Donuts
I didn't weigh today, so can't post the weight. Sorry!
However, after just 2 days of counting points, I saw 269.2 on the scale, which was just 2 days after seeing 271, so that made me happy. I've officially joined Weight Watchers, and am enjoying counting the points. Its like a game for me.
So yesterday I was having this awesome day at work... Fiber One cereal and skim milk and blackberries for breakfast about 8:30am for 6 points! And then a Fiber One snack bar at 11:45 for a snack and 3 points... (and yes, my digestive track is flowing! LOL).... At 2:00pm I had Subway for lunch-- and the baked chips and a yogurt-- for 15 points... so I'm cruising along at about 24 points and the day is more than half over. Go me!!! Right?
So I saunter out of the break room feeling happy, satisfied and content. I walk back into the nurses' station, and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but 2 boxes of DONUTS!!! I was angry!! And I was also salivating. The one box was glazed, and honestly those don't bother me. But the other box was chocolate covered, and oh my.... oh my, indeed.
My first thought was to have just 1. Count the points and it would be fine. So I would just starve the rest of the day.... But for all those out there who, like me, are sugar ADDICTS, the next thought was "Deb, if you have 1 donut, you'll want several more. One is too many because 1,000 are never enough".... Now that is the voice of truth. For an addict, anyways.
But, being of the rebellious nature that I am at times, I decided to have 1, rather than fight the urge and be obsessed about it all afternoon. One.... oh yummy! Delectable.... melts in your mouth.... Two.... I really shouldn't, but its sooo good and it just goes down so smoothly!.... No, don't do it. Don't eat a 3rd.... Please.... Too late. THREE donuts!! Thankfully something kicked into my brain after the 3rd one and I knew that was ENOUGH!! (probably the impending nausea triggered my brain to stop.)
Well, I tried to laugh it off, and say, "Oh well! I just used my extra weekly bonus points, so its ok!" Leave it to my dear co-worker Tonya to say, "you're gonna have to blog about this!" Oh shoot! The blog. the stupid blog. Why, of course. I'm gonna have to blog about the donut binge. So here you have it.
I'm back on track. I didn't eat any more food except for a fiber bar last night about 8pm with a quart of water, just to prevent a midnight hunger attack....
At the moment I'm up drinking coffee with some creamer and I've counted the 3 points (I used a lot of creamer, lol). Its a new day and I'm ready to continue on.
I can tell this won't be a fast weight loss. I do however hope that it will continue and that I will continue the journey, knowing I'll have days like yesterday. But- I would hope that I have learned the lesson yet again, that there are some foods that I'm just NOT safe around. Like chocolate covered donuts.
However, after just 2 days of counting points, I saw 269.2 on the scale, which was just 2 days after seeing 271, so that made me happy. I've officially joined Weight Watchers, and am enjoying counting the points. Its like a game for me.
So yesterday I was having this awesome day at work... Fiber One cereal and skim milk and blackberries for breakfast about 8:30am for 6 points! And then a Fiber One snack bar at 11:45 for a snack and 3 points... (and yes, my digestive track is flowing! LOL).... At 2:00pm I had Subway for lunch-- and the baked chips and a yogurt-- for 15 points... so I'm cruising along at about 24 points and the day is more than half over. Go me!!! Right?
So I saunter out of the break room feeling happy, satisfied and content. I walk back into the nurses' station, and what to my wondering eyes did appear, but 2 boxes of DONUTS!!! I was angry!! And I was also salivating. The one box was glazed, and honestly those don't bother me. But the other box was chocolate covered, and oh my.... oh my, indeed.
My first thought was to have just 1. Count the points and it would be fine. So I would just starve the rest of the day.... But for all those out there who, like me, are sugar ADDICTS, the next thought was "Deb, if you have 1 donut, you'll want several more. One is too many because 1,000 are never enough".... Now that is the voice of truth. For an addict, anyways.
But, being of the rebellious nature that I am at times, I decided to have 1, rather than fight the urge and be obsessed about it all afternoon. One.... oh yummy! Delectable.... melts in your mouth.... Two.... I really shouldn't, but its sooo good and it just goes down so smoothly!.... No, don't do it. Don't eat a 3rd.... Please.... Too late. THREE donuts!! Thankfully something kicked into my brain after the 3rd one and I knew that was ENOUGH!! (probably the impending nausea triggered my brain to stop.)
Well, I tried to laugh it off, and say, "Oh well! I just used my extra weekly bonus points, so its ok!" Leave it to my dear co-worker Tonya to say, "you're gonna have to blog about this!" Oh shoot! The blog. the stupid blog. Why, of course. I'm gonna have to blog about the donut binge. So here you have it.
I'm back on track. I didn't eat any more food except for a fiber bar last night about 8pm with a quart of water, just to prevent a midnight hunger attack....
At the moment I'm up drinking coffee with some creamer and I've counted the 3 points (I used a lot of creamer, lol). Its a new day and I'm ready to continue on.
I can tell this won't be a fast weight loss. I do however hope that it will continue and that I will continue the journey, knowing I'll have days like yesterday. But- I would hope that I have learned the lesson yet again, that there are some foods that I'm just NOT safe around. Like chocolate covered donuts.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Blogging?? what a crummy idea
Weight: 271
I'm pretty disgusted, I have to say. Three weeks into it, and 3 lbs.... what happened to losing tons of weight the first few weeks? When I started this blog, evidently it was a shot of inspiration for my friend and co-worker Jen, and she started a day after I did, and she's lost 11.5 lbs in 3 weeks!! Wow! Now she's doing something that I'm not, obviously.
She's following Weight Watchers... I was trying to count calories, but sometimes its hard to count calories-- like at Mexican restaurants, ya know? And at other times, I just don't wanna count them at all... Like when I want ice cream, ya with me? :-)
So, that is why Jen's lost 11.5 and I've lost 3. But, while I could just give up and go bury my face in a big bowl of ice cream, I'm not going to. Why? Well, because of this blog. Regardless of whether anyone reads it or not, it does seem to offer some sort of accountability for me. "I can't let my blog down".... I don't know. Nonetheless, I'm going to keep going.
And, guess what? I'm pretty sure that I'm going to join Weight Watchers. I have joined once or twice before-- many years ago, and never followed it. I think its because I'm a hopeless emotional eater. Whatever the reason, I guess I shall try it and see if I can have the same success that Jen has had.
Jen has already helped me figure out my points and I have borrowed her little points calculator, so I'm off and running. For my weight and height and age I get 40 points a day. So far I've eaten 27 of them.... I would have only had 24, but I just dumped 1/4 cup of shredded cheese down the hatch... What's with this??
Why does it feel so good to eat? Hurts so good...hey, someone should write a song about that, lol. I don't know why I'm such an emotional eater. The last two nights after work were very hard. One night I did okay, and last night I had a tiny piece of birthday cake and vegan ice cream (they were having a party where I picked up my boys), and so therefore, rather than being content that I blew it a little, I came home and ate a plate of nachos....
I'm confident that not even Weight Watchers can heal the inner part of me that longs for food for comfort. But, Weight Watchers is a tool that can help me learn normal portions. I'm pretty whacked out when it comes to my concept of normal. And for the emotional portion of my life.... well, I'll have to keep working on that too. Which makes me think I should start a separate blog on spiritual issues.... I do think I'll look up my old friends at Overeaters Anonymous when I get back to Chattanooga.
Meanwhile, its upward and onward. Its 3:15 and I still have 13 points left for the day!!
I'm pretty disgusted, I have to say. Three weeks into it, and 3 lbs.... what happened to losing tons of weight the first few weeks? When I started this blog, evidently it was a shot of inspiration for my friend and co-worker Jen, and she started a day after I did, and she's lost 11.5 lbs in 3 weeks!! Wow! Now she's doing something that I'm not, obviously.
She's following Weight Watchers... I was trying to count calories, but sometimes its hard to count calories-- like at Mexican restaurants, ya know? And at other times, I just don't wanna count them at all... Like when I want ice cream, ya with me? :-)
So, that is why Jen's lost 11.5 and I've lost 3. But, while I could just give up and go bury my face in a big bowl of ice cream, I'm not going to. Why? Well, because of this blog. Regardless of whether anyone reads it or not, it does seem to offer some sort of accountability for me. "I can't let my blog down".... I don't know. Nonetheless, I'm going to keep going.
And, guess what? I'm pretty sure that I'm going to join Weight Watchers. I have joined once or twice before-- many years ago, and never followed it. I think its because I'm a hopeless emotional eater. Whatever the reason, I guess I shall try it and see if I can have the same success that Jen has had.
Jen has already helped me figure out my points and I have borrowed her little points calculator, so I'm off and running. For my weight and height and age I get 40 points a day. So far I've eaten 27 of them.... I would have only had 24, but I just dumped 1/4 cup of shredded cheese down the hatch... What's with this??
Why does it feel so good to eat? Hurts so good...hey, someone should write a song about that, lol. I don't know why I'm such an emotional eater. The last two nights after work were very hard. One night I did okay, and last night I had a tiny piece of birthday cake and vegan ice cream (they were having a party where I picked up my boys), and so therefore, rather than being content that I blew it a little, I came home and ate a plate of nachos....
I'm confident that not even Weight Watchers can heal the inner part of me that longs for food for comfort. But, Weight Watchers is a tool that can help me learn normal portions. I'm pretty whacked out when it comes to my concept of normal. And for the emotional portion of my life.... well, I'll have to keep working on that too. Which makes me think I should start a separate blog on spiritual issues.... I do think I'll look up my old friends at Overeaters Anonymous when I get back to Chattanooga.
Meanwhile, its upward and onward. Its 3:15 and I still have 13 points left for the day!!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Success!!!!
Weight: 269.9
Wow!!! I really did it!! Thankyou God for getting me thru the weekend at the in-laws!! Twice I was super bummed and stressed about house hunting and craved ice-cream, and twice I didn't give in to the overwhelming temptation... I counted calories faithfully, never going over 1800 a day just so I could report to this silly blog....
And today it paid off..... I have lost 4.1 pounds.... I'll take it.
I'm happy.
I'm headed to work.
Wow!!! I really did it!! Thankyou God for getting me thru the weekend at the in-laws!! Twice I was super bummed and stressed about house hunting and craved ice-cream, and twice I didn't give in to the overwhelming temptation... I counted calories faithfully, never going over 1800 a day just so I could report to this silly blog....
And today it paid off..... I have lost 4.1 pounds.... I'll take it.
I'm happy.
I'm headed to work.
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